Awakening
by aryness
Summary: What could Faith have felt, dreamt and thought during her coma in season3/4? This is an extract of what could have "happened" in her mind. For better summary and A/N-explanation look inside! WARNING: Her thoughts may be dark/disturbing.


**Author: **aryness

**Title: **Awakening

**Summary: **Are people, who are in a coma, aware of the "outerworld"? And if so, up to which extent? What do they feel and think? Does everything appear to be a long dream? What could Faith have felt, dreamt and thought during her coma? This is an extract of what could have "happened" in Faith' mind.

**Spoiler: **Buffy 4.15 This Year's Girl

**Rating: **T

**Chapter: **1/1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters in this story, nor do I own any rights to the television show "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". They were created by Joss Whedon and belong to him, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Television, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television and the WB Television Network.

**Characters:** Faith

**A/N:** This is my first fanfic in English. So please, bear with me. Years ago I saw a season 3 Faith-wallpaper with the words "You think she was a bad girl? Wait till she wakes up!" on it. These words haven't left my mind over the years and I somehow felt the need to write a short about Faith' comatose state. This story is dedicated to DCI, who helped me get the original, German, version straight, and to my fabulous beta Lisa, without whom the English version would have been full of mistakes. (Thank you so, so much! *knuddel*)

**Explanation:** she (lower case letters) = Faith; _SHE (caps)_ = Buffy; **bold** = the nurse

* * *

There she lies. Imprisoned.

Imprisoned in a body that appears to be her own outwardly, but yet, inwardly, feels so wrong.

Darkness surrounds her, clouds her senses.

Sometimes there are moments in which she seems to dream, in which something breaks through the darkness of her prison and reaches her.

Within these instants she wishes the knife would have cut through her flesh just a little further up or a little more to the left. If things had been different, just a little, her pathetic existence would have been ended.

Then she starts to get furious. Furious about _HER_ and _HER_ perfect life with all her perfect friends, the loving mother …

And then she wants to wake up, she struggles against the darkness, rears up with all her might, like a wild animal, seeks vengeance against _HER_ …

During these moments the squeaking sound of the monitors starts to swell for some seconds. An alarmed **nurse** barges into the room, checks the numbers on the digital displays, shakes **her** head and eventually leaves, swearing under **her** breath.

False alarm.

As everytime this happens.

She doesn't catch any of the things that happen out there in the hospital, the 'real world'. She knows that this battle has to be fought within her. Everything is depended upon her will, whether she'll continue to live or even wake up again. She knows that she isn't able to win the fight at the moment.

As yet, she has to persevere in her prison, waiting, lurking. She's like an animal who feverishly waits for the right moment to press her advantage, kill her prey, and achieve victory.

* * *

Then – suddenly – the scene changes once more.

The darkness is replaced by a light, pleasant room.

The sun shines through the window.

How long has it been since she's seen the sun? It seems to her it has been ages and so she allows herself to get lost in its warmth for an instant …

Then she pulls herself together once more, concentrates on the scene.

Startled she realizes that she's with _HER_ in _HER_ room.

Together they prepare it, put fresh linen on the bed, prepare it for the arrival of the sister, as if it was the most normal thing in the world for them to do.

_SHE_ seems to be confused.

_Which sister …?_

Doesn't she know …?

Isn't she capable of feeling? The arrival of this pure, powerful energy …

She's blinded by the blazingly bright light, forced to screw up her eyes.

Isn't everything obvious? Well, for her it is, but _SHE_ doesn't seem to comprehend a thing.

Suddenly, red droplets of blood stain the pristine, white bedding.

A sharp pain in the stomach.

"Gosh, look what you've done. Now we have to start all over again!" She looks at _HER_, suing. _HER_ eyes wander to the knife _SHE_ has rammed into her stomach – one more time. How many times did this already happen?

She can't tell.

She has lived through this scene too many times. In all imaginable aspects.

* * *

And once more she's pulled back into the darkness. Into cold, frightening oblivion.

The rage in her stomach bubbles up, boils over, and threatens to destroy her from the inside out.

No.

No one will ever forget about her. She'll make sure that they won't be able to, even if they want to. All the things she's done to them must have been burned deeply into their memories. No, they absolutely won't be able to forget. Ever.

Inside her mind she clenches her fists. If only she could wake up. Then she'd make _HER_ pay fort he things _SHE_'s done to her.

Biting fear creeps into her mind. What if she'll be trapped within this gruesome twilight, somewhere between life and death, forever?

If she'll never manage to break free?

She curls up like a frightened animal, squats in the backmost, darkest corner of her mind.

It's so dark and cold …

* * *

She doesn't know how long she has squatted in the corner.

Days, weeks, months … Time is impalpable.

* * *

As everything around her starts to lighten up, she's insecure at first.

A new scenery? A new torment?

The fog slowly lifts.

She feels how something inside her changed, how her spirit tightened up, accomplished the strike that's vital to the success, triumphs and finally she regains control over her body.

The fear dissolves, vanishes into nothingness.

Pure determination takes its place.

Determination, hatred and rage. Bitter hatred, irrepressible rage. All the emotions that have kept and will keep her going, her sparks of light at the end of the tunnel. The little voices inside her head that always told her the one essential thing, during her darkest hours of captivity:

In the end_ SHE_ will pay …

* * *

With a start she opens her eyes, tears the tubes out of her arm and gets up …

A grin plays around the corners of her mouth.

The game is on …

* * *

**A/N:** Thanks for reading this :) Please let me know what you think, I'd really like to know!


End file.
